STEVE MARTIN

as far as i can tell, i'm the only person i know who has a phobia of steve martin. it is, as all phobias tend to be, a slightly irrational fear... the threat steve martin poses to me is far smaller than the fear i have of him. i examined this fear the other night, and this song emerged. (it has backing vox, in brackets, too!!!)

*

ODE TO STEVE MARTIN

dear steve
i don't like you (ooo wah-ooo wah-ooo)
in fact i despise you (steve)
they say all these things about you
you're talented (talented)
intelligent (intelligent)
but you're american
i hate your voice, your smirk, your smile
i hate your hair - it's too damned white

steve (steve)
i don't like you (no, no, no, she doesn't like you, no, no, no)
in fact despise you (steve)
they say all these things
they say you're funny but you're not
i heard a twelve year old girl say she thought you were hot (oh no)
please steve, get off my tv, get out of the movies
go and play golf or something
somewhere (somewhere)
i don't have to hear of you ever again (shoobee doowee doowop)

please steve, i'm begging you
begging you to go and do
something that doesn't require you to be seen by me
you're giving me nightmares (nightmares)
your horrible white hair (white hair)
your hideous smirking sneer
(wah-ooo) you're old and ugly
(wah-oo) you're worse than bill murray
(wah-ooo) at least he's funny
sometimes (sometimes)

get off (get off, get off) the magazines
get off (get off, get off) the tv
get off (get off, get off) the movies
before i hurt your feelings

steve (steve)
i don't like you (no, no, no, she doesn't like you, no, no, no)
in fact i despise you
steve

*

pretty mean, aren't i?